From Meltdowns to Memories: Taming Toddler Tantrums on the Trail
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I love inviting friends and acquaintances on our nature walks, but I’ve learned over the years that not all parenting styles mesh well with outdoor adventures. While some outings are filled with laughter and connection, others can be less enjoyable due to unexpected challenges.
In most cases, these less-than-ideal experiences stem from struggles between parents and children, often rooted in the parent’s inability to anticipate and manage their toddler’s tantrums. This can quickly make it a less-than-fun experience for everyone.
Parenting styles play a significant role in how parents handle these situations. Authoritarian parents, for example, may use strict discipline, which can escalate tantrums. While on the other hand, permissive parents often struggle to set and hold boundaries, leading to frustration and confusion for both parent and child.
Authoritative parenting, however, often yields the best results. By combining warmth and firmness, authoritative parents are able to set clear expectations while also offering support and guidance. This approach can help you prevent and quickly mitigate tantrums, ensuring everyone has a good experience.
Toddlers are tiny humans with big feelings. Simple things like a change in routine or temporary discomfort can lead to a big meltdown. After all, they are still developing their emotional regulation skills. By anticipating their needs and potential triggers, while using effective parenting strategies, you can create a positive and memorable experience of the outdoors for your family.
Decoding their Mind: Understanding Your Toddler’s Brain
Photo by Sierra Wilde
Your toddler’s brain is undergoing rapid brain development. This affects their emotions and the ability to regulate.
Your toddler is beginning to assert their independence. They know enough to know (or at least think they do!) what they want and do not want. This can lead to power struggles and tantrums.
Your toddler has limited communication skills. They may have trouble articulating their needs and frustrations. Their limited vocabulary, ability to enunciate, and emerging social skills can contribute to misunderstandings and outbursts. This can be a source of frustration for both you and your child.
Your toddler is self-centered. (Hey, it’s ok. With your help, they will eventually grow out of it!) Toddlers see the world from their own perspective. Therefore, they can struggle to understand others’ feelings, wants, or needs. It’s not that they don’t care… it’s that they have a really hard time grasping that others may feel differently than they do.
Your toddler struggles with object permanence. This means that if they can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. (Let’s be real, my four year old still gets upset if I put a “treasure” [e.g. a rock he found] in his backpack, where he can no longer see it.)
Your toddler may have trouble processing different sensory stimuli. This means that they may react strongly to certain sounds, textures, smells, etc.
If your kiddo does this, just know that you are not alone. For example, my oldest child still covers his ears every time someone starts belting out “Happy Birthday to You” at a party!
Pro Tip: If your toddler won’t leave their sunglasses on, try a different pair. They may have outgrown them, even if it doesn’t appear that way. My littlest was great about wearing her sunglasses until, suddenly, one day she wasn’t. The glasses still appeared to fit her fine, by all appearances, but she refused to leave them on. After multiple attempts with similar results, I finally gave up (much to my chagrin). Fast forward a few weeks… and I just couldn’t take her squinting. I decided to try something new. I put a pair of her (much older) brother’s sunglasses on her and she left them on for our entire walk.
Explore at Their Pace: Understanding Toddler Exploration
Photo by Sierra Wilde
Your toddler may throw a tantrum if… You don’t allowing them to stop and explore their surroundings. Raise your hand if you’re guilty of saying, “Come on, hurry up!” to your toddler. It’s okay if you raised your hand. We’ve all been there and said those words. It’s easy to get caught up in our own schedules and urge our children to hurry along. But nature walks are an opportunity for them to set the pace and explore at their own rhythm. Curiosity and wonder is their God-given birthright, don’t steal it away from them. Instead, let go of your need to rush, instead choose to focus on the joy of the journey and the blessings of this current season of life. So hold your toddler’s hand, amble along the trail, and savor the small little moments. Look around and take in the natural wonders around you. Stop to admire a flower, watch an ant carry a meal back home, examine a rock, or create a fun design in the dirt. Nature walks aren’t about the destination, they are about the journey.
Pro Tip: If your toddler is no longer riding in a carrier or stroller, I recommend starting out with walks under 0.5 miles and working up to 1 to 1.5 miles. Make sure you give yourself anywhere from 1-2 hours to complete the walk.
Your toddler may throw a tantrum if… they can’t keep up with you (and others). They have little legs that get tired quickly. If the trail is too strenuous or the pace too fast, your toddler is going to get overwhelmed and frustrated.
Your toddler may throw a tantrum if… the terrain is difficult. This can lead to sliding, tripping, tiring quicker than normal, and, ultimately, frustration. Always ensure that your toddler is wearing flexible, comfortable shoes with deep lugs (tread). And if the trail is too difficult, it’s okay to call it quits, early. It’s better to end on a good note than a bad one.
Your toddler may throw a tantrum if… their needs (or discomfort) aren’t being met. Their hungry, their thirsty, their hot, their cold, it’s too windy, their leggings itch, their tired, their bored… the list goes on. As Michael Easter explained, author of The Comfort Crisis, some discomforts, like those experienced every day by our early ancestors, help to “protect us from physical and psychological health issues.”
However, some discomforts should be addressed. And for those I’d like to quote Linda Akeson McGurk, author of There’s No Such Thing as Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom’s Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids, “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing…” and, frankly, poor planning. But don’t fret, as you get outdoors more, you will become better at anticipating your child’s needs regarding clothing, snacks, etc.
Nurturing Independence: Tips for Hiking with Your Toddler
Photo by Sierra Wilde
Nobody enjoys being bossed around, or told “no,” all the time. If something isn’t a hard “no” or safety issue, allow your child some independence.
Accidents are okay. Let them run too fast and trip over an exposed root or rock. Offer a comforting hug, show them how to dust themselves off, and then explain how it is important to pay attention to the trail for objects they may trip over.
Let them be uncomfortable. Let them splash in a puddle until their socks are soaking wet and uncomfortable. Allow them to leave their backpack with water in the car and feel the discomfort of thirst (within reason, of course).
Before saying “yes,” to these questions, I like to have a quick conversation with my child about their choices and the consequences of such actions… and then leave it up to them to decide. I usually have them explain, or at least repeat, the consequence back to me to ensure they are listening and understand.
For example, if my child wants to splash in a puddle, I remind them that their socks, shoes, and clothes may get wet. I explain that they may be uncomfortable for the duration of the walk, until we are back at the car or home and can change.
Another example… If my child wants to leave their backpack in the car, I explain that I will not be sharing mine. (I’m a big fan of The Little Red Hen)
Let them lead. When possible, let your toddler choose which direction to take when there is a fork. Don’t say “no” if one of the forks leads off in the “wrong” direction. Instead, guide your child’s decision. Show them the map. Explain where the car is parked and where the two different legs of the trail lead. If they really want to dig their heels in, you can either remind them of the snacks waiting in the car or agree to explore down the “wrong” trail for a set time (use a timer) before turning around and taking the “correct” trail.
Sometimes, however, independence isn’t an option. There are times that a trail is too steep or has a big drop on one side, in which holding hands, or picking them up, is essential. When these situations arise, at least the first few times, I recommend pausing and crouching to your child’s level to explain why it is essential to hold hands, or carry them, until you are both past the area. On a rare occasion, my child has dug his heels in and attempted to refuse holding my hand, stating that he is “a big boy.” To this I give a very stern look and pull out my “I’m not backing down” mom voice and simply say, “Are you choosing to not listen? That is a poor choice. If so, we will turn around and go back home now and you can take a nap.” To which, he quickly changes his tune, every time.
Routine Matters: Create a Calm Hiking Experience for Your Toddler
Photo by Sierra Wilde
Everything was once new, until it became routine. Your child will eventually adjust to this new routine.
But at first, your toddler may struggle to enjoy nature walks. If they aren’t used to spending time outside or living in a state of discomfort, you will need to tap into your well of patience and put on your “guide” name tag and hat. Keep outings short and make sure you add in some fun (and a hint of mystery). Treats work well for bribery (or training!) too.
Children are adaptable, luckily. I promise, eventually all your hard work and patience will pay off. Just keep at it!
Be Present, Be Patient: Strengthening Your Bond on the Trail
Photo by Jake Wilde
Your child wants to feel seen, loved, and heard. If you aren’t present and engaging actively with them, they may act out negatively to get your attention. After all, negative attention is still attention.
Find “teachable” moments to connect with your toddler. Toddlers are curious and full of wonder. Engage with them by pointing out a leaf and share the name of the tree it belongs to, show them what happens when you twist a cattail, or ask them if they know what animal left a track along the trail.
Address Your Toddler’s Fears and Anxiety
Photo by Sierra Wilde
Your child is watching you. You are their model, and guide. How you act and react is what they will, likely, model. Therefore, if you are calm, they will be more likely to be, or return to a state of, calm.
Fear of inclines/declines? Have them sit down and slide on their butt or show them how to crab walk. Having 3-4 points of contact, not to mention a lower center of gravity, offers more stability.
Fear of insects or animals? Animals are (typically) not malicious. More often, harm from them is connected to their fear response. Ever heard the saying “they are more afraid of you, than you are of them?” Teach your child to keep their distance and to make calm, slow movements away from any animals or insects that could cause harm. For example, we taught our oldest to say a polite “hello” to any bees he saw flitting among the flowers, before moving on down the trail. This helped reinforce that bees are just trying to mind their own business and are not something to fear (or God forbid, swat at).
Separation Anxiety? I feel like this is more a help, than a hinderance. Any time my oldest dug his heels in (such as when we needed to turn around and head back towards the car), I’d slowly start to walk away. Each time he’d immediately panic and yell (voice cracking) for me to wait (usually while tears poured down those sweet toddler cheeks). Sometimes he would run after me, but others he would hold his position until I stopped and took a few towards him, with my hand out (of course), ready to take him up in a big hug. After that, he would insist on walking, hand-in-hand, with me all the way back to the car. If you employ this tactic, be sure to hide your grin!
Parenting a toddler can be a rollercoaster ride, filled with both joy and frustration. Whether they’re in the “terrible twos” or the “threenager” stage, it’s important to remember that they’re still learning and developing, so patience and understanding are essential. Our role as parents is to guide them with love and support, helping them build a strong foundation for a positive character.
